Heartache, agony and Ulcers....

Mother's day just came and went.. another one. My lovely 13 year old had to be reminded to tell me happy mother's day (by me!!). Nice.

He informed me last week that he wanted to try living with his dad. Oh the tears I cried. I truly understand his point of view, his reasons. But still, it hurts, he's my baby.. the only one I have or ever will have.. and he is SUCH a momma's boy..lol. I'm trying to convince myself that this is all OK. He's going to Dad's for the summer for a "test-run" before the school year starts. That's great. Everybody agrees on everything...I don't think that EVER happened, not even when we were married..lol.

Mostly, I think my biggest problem stems from my extremely fucked up dysfunctional mother & sisters... my brother is the only sane one... I know they will judge and tell me what a HUGE mistake this it.. yada yada yada....Because, you know, they are older and wiser.. WHATEVER. they are not that damn smart.. and its my life, my son's life... not theirs. But judgment hurts, especially when it happens to come from those who shouldn't judge you - your own family. Did I mention they are completely crazy... like way the fuck out there crazy???? ok, they are.. and i'm the baby... so, of course, they NEVER EVER EVER listen to anything I have to say like a rational person should. so they will judge... and not think twice about it.

So today, its heartache, agony and the ulcer from dealing with this shit for the past two weeks. Granted, a summer break from parental responsibilities? THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL..

Peace Love Happiness & All that other crazy shit...

Random Craziness Exists Within... (or READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

Some days, i have a bright sunny disposition. Other days are rather dark. Scary dark. like, WTF DARK.. when those happen, i force myself to muddle through the day... but deep within the darkness my minds sits. waits.. begs and pleads for me to hurry up through my bullshit so it can come out. it comes out like this. jumbled up sentences with no beginning, no end. no sense. just words, crazy slow words.

in the darkness my secrets lie and in the darkness my dreams will die. i run from the darkness like an addict on crack...in the darkness i feel the attack.

honestly, i'm fine. its a run-away day. its beautiful outside, life is amazingly good. that is when i most often think about running away. stupid, i know. its me.

thanks for listening.

Lately....Lots of WTF?? moments

Ok. So its been a very long time since I posted. Sorry, I'm a slacker and that's my only excuse.

I made it through my Indiana weekend with friends. I survived..and it actually went better than I had originally expected.

Since then, I've been dealing with the constant chaos that is my life..

Work. Basically, good. I got to move UPSTAIRS, with boss #2, so that is awesome. Liking things much better from the second floor.

As you may have already read, I work for lawyers...well, I have recently been amazed at how ASSHOLE LIKE some of them can be... at a recent swearing in moment, one just totally dissed one of them i work for... and i was appalled, offended and mostly PISSED. boss #1 is a great man. honestly. he's just good people, i tell ya... and of course, he blew it off as "it wasn't intentional". my ass. everything is intentional. but that just proved to me again, boss #1 - good people.

Home. Well, let's see. Basically, good. EXCEPT. Dealing with asshole ex-husband's, baby's daddy's, or as I like to refer to him - DICKHEAD. He no longer has a name, i simply refer to him as dickhead.. i'm fun like that. our divorce was a joke.. and working in the legal field, i should've known better, but oh well. now, he thinks he going to get all pushy about visitation and such. NOT happening. Top it off, the kid really can't stand him. oh, i try to be good and encourage kid to maintain relationship with pops....but i could care less. dickhead is an alcoholic (claims he is sober), an asshole and a control freak...why would i really want my child subjected to that..but it is his kid too... so i try to be agreeable in some regard. ok. so that's that. for now...

the kid did come home pretty excited last week though. nice for a change. seems he wants to participate in track this season. i say "YAY". maybe he'll make some decent friends. and he's excited. that just doesn't happen often enough anymore. granted, he's almost 14 years and he's moody and irritable and evil. but every now and then, my baby peeks his head out and reminds me he is there, under that hormonal evil child..lol.. i love him, i've made mistakes, but i've done everything i could for him... and will continue to do so...evil or not.

Love. Is great. End of that discussion.

So today, I have basically done nothing but bitch, but oh... I feel sooo much better. I continue to read you all.. You are all great.. gives me a laugh or a cry every day. Thanks!

My issue today...

I'm supposed to be going out of state for the weekend, to visit old friends and celebrate a birthday (not mine). One would think this sounds great, no guys, no kids, just old friends drinking too much. Only problem, I drank alot when I lived there and could outlast most. That's been over a year ago.. I've pretty much slowed the drinking down to a drink here and there. I've tried to convey my concern of "wussing out" before the rest of the crowd does, but everyone's response.. "oh you'll be fine". Bullshit. I will not be fine. Sure, I'll last a while, but i'm not the friggin energizer bunny and i can't just keep going..going..going.. anymore..

So because of this dilemma, i'm a nervous wreck about going back. And add to that the fact that i haven't been there for well over 6 months. People change, and I damn well know I have. What if..what if..what if.. CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO TURN OFF THE "WHAT-IF" BUTTON?

I am looking forward to it in a small way. Not like I used to though. So, this one has me wondering...will i make it through the weekend with the old crowd? Ahh.shit. I'll report with the outcome on Monday.

On the lighter side, work was way better yesterday. And hopefully today will go as well. Although I am quite tired already, slept on an air-mattress because the man thought he needed to paint the bedroom yesterday, instead of waiting to do it when I'm gone. So not fair. He wanted me to share in the joy. Men can be asses.

Truths and its Wednesday

I cannot tell a lie... Boss 2 (I'll explain later), yes it is me.. LOL.

I work for a law firm, a small one, but good. Boss 1 is the original boss. Boss 2 is our "new" addition who isn't so "new" anymore. After this, I'll have to watch what I say, because as pointed out earlier, Boss 2 already suspects me. It must have been my name.. as I believe sometimes she is well aware that I am her psycho secretary. But that's ok.

Both Boss 1 and Boss 2 are good people, great attorneys, and even better bosses. I have learned all of this once again this week.

Being that its Wednesday, normally my second most hated day of the week, I'm feeling that I'm in a pretty good mood right now. Its kind of scary. But that's ok. Sometimes I like being scary. I cannot actually say why I dislike Wednesdays so much. I think its because the whole day just points out you are only half way there. I like Thursdays, because that means the week is almost done.

This week has been rough, mistakes made, meltdowns had, plus all of the normal day-to-day activities often associated with the legal world. Perhaps because it has been such a rough week, that is why this Wednesday doesn't seem so bad. Monday was the icing on the "oh-shit-this sucks-day-from-hell" cake of life. After that, Wednesday looks good.

Ahh. I am here...

Hello fellow people. I would say the name "Psycho Secretary" does me no justice. It is, instead, a rather small peephole into what I really am. I am a caring person, a loyal worker, a confused mother and so much more.

I decided to try my hand at this blogging thing after reading some of yours. I have been following many of you without "technically" following you. Actually, just reading you when I had a chance, and some lead to others. I'm not good, and I don't claim to be. I will only amuse when its amusing, i'll only write what I feel, see or do.. or want to feel, see or do...

So until I have more time. Have a lovely day.